I’ve always been taught to always keep an open mind and positive attitude - that things in life all happen for a reason and just live life to the fullest. No matter the circumstance, just have fun with it and go with the flow of life…
But after yesterday, I have never felt so vulnerable before…
In a way, of all people, I was hoping you’d care more. I have so much to tell you, but I’m just afraid of always being so burdensome… I guess the twinlepathy isn’t so strong today.
I was having my doubts about joining Circle K. My experiences through Key Club has sort of altered my outlook of the Kiwanis Family. But right now I feel so great involving myself in UCI Circle K. I honestly wouldn’t trade this club for any other school. They’ve rekindled my passion for why I love this family. My Circle K family, my future club family, and the Kiwanis Family.
Sometimes at night I suddenly become aware of all the things I’m missing out on right now, and all the people who I’m not close to anymore, and all of the good times that will never happen again, and all the people who meant the world to me who have forgotten about me forever, and I get this awful feeling that’s kind of like a mix between loneliness and nostalgia.
(Source: lunafur, via yoohyu)
I just want to live life and become a hermit in my dorm room, studying all day and getting good grades. Everything scares me right now. Human interaction is just so demeaning ._.
I was to go back in time. When life was more simple and where my worries were nonexistent. The time where I didn’t try so hard to make friends and being alone was normal to me. I want to be young again not worrying about what others around me thought and everything we did was simply for the sake of having fun. I want so much, and it’s just disappointing that it just doesn’t work out that way. I want to go home, too. College is fun, but I miss my Dad. And friends who genuinely care about how I feel..
Mood stacking isn’t really great. Especially when you’re in a bad mood too.
All I wanted was a sincere answer, and yet, it still doesn’t seem it.. I don’t know what to believe..
It may not seem like it, but you’re the one I want to talk to right now the most. But I’m keeping my distance because I don’t want to be a bother anymore. I just miss you.
Throughout my life, I’ve always been a litter heavier than I want to be. My weight is my largest insecurity and sometimes I feel so hopeless when I try to lose some of it. Ever since I quit sports for working for Key Club on the district level during the end of my sophomore year, the weighing scale just got heavier and heavier. I grew the weight gradually which is why sometimes it’s really unnoticeable, but weighing scale never lied to me when it came to numbers. (well, except depending if it’s broken, then sometimes it did, LOL) It went from 5, to 10, to 25 pounds heavier than I was back then. I honestly feel ashamed of myself. I feel so conscious about every little thing I do because I am not happy with my body and have nothing to show off. This is probably not the first time I’ve made a post about my weight and back then all I did about it was complain and rant, just like I am right now. Sometimes I blame my many defects for preventing me from losing weight. I’m asthmatic so I get out of breath really easily. I had a heart problem when I was young causing me to have irregular patterns once in a while. It’s improved over time, but sometimes when I exert myself too much, it’s a pain I hate feeling. I guess I’m just not your average guy built to do amazing and athletic things. Again, I always get discouraged and sometimes I feel like I can’t do anything about it… But that’s changed. These past months I’ve been eating healthier and have felt more determined to change my lifestyle. I’ve learned that I wasn’t getting anywhere because I didn’t do anything about it, and if I want to achieve results I’d be proud of, I have to work for it. Back then I would die from fatigue just walking to and from school (which was around the block to be honest). Now I’m able to run 3+ miles only slightly feeling light headed, but nonetheless great after doing so. The blisters on my feet hurt not gonna lie, but I guess it’s a good pain I’m feeling. It just felt great when I visited my favorite teacher at school yesterday and she commended me about how much weight I’ve lost since last year and it only motivated me to do more with what I can. (Funny story, I also ate a giant burger today for a friend’s ‘birthday’ and felt so guilty after it. So I ran 4.5 miles, LOL.) The past 2 months have been rough, but I’m proud to say I’ve lost roughly 15 pounds and I’m hoping to lose more especially heading off to college and my living complex is right next to the gym.
I feel like what I’m trying to get at with this post is this: If there’s something out there you feel you can’t do, don’t feel discouraged. With time, and a headstrong attitude, it’s not impossible. Don’t let your insecurities get the best of you. In fact, use it as motivation to make YOU a better you.
I’m not at my goal just yet, but I’m slowly getting there.
Just felt like sharing ~
On the twelfth day of Christmas the Titans gave to me,
Twelve dead friends,
Eleven dead friends,
Ten dead friends,
Nine dead friends,
Eight dead friends,
Seven dead friends,
Six dead friends,
FIIIIIIIVE EEEEEAAATEN FRIIIIIENDS!
Four dead friends,
Three dead friends,
Two dead friends,
And a teammate smashed against a treeeee.
I feel bad that I find this funny, LOL.